More Self Realizations

I love what I do. I love the point in my life that I am at. I adore my kids, my husband, my mom. I have great family and good friends and overall I'm very lucky. I am not a patient person. I have many character flaws and I am the first to notice them before anybody else ever feels the need to point them out. I feel like I sometimes don't know what I'm doing as a mother....and yet sometimes I amaze myself. I have mommy meltdowns more than I care to admit. Overall though I sometimes struggle to figure out who I am or what I'm doing, I wouldn't trade where I'm at for anything including the chaos.

I don't want to be one of those moms who looks back and thinks about how she tried to portray perfection when really inside she felt like she was struggling. I think it's healthy and normal to talk about the fact that sometimes being a mom is hard. That sometimes balancing it all seems thankless and that I have my bad days. This doesn't mean that I don't love my kids, quite the contrary because I think it shows that I am doing whatever I can to better myself for them as a woman.

I don't know where all of this stream of consciousness comes from. Perhaps it's when I look at my kids and think about what I've done well and what I can work on. Maybe it's because I hear moms all the time trying to be something that they're not or having a hard time trying to compete. I think that mostly it's because Faith looks at me and says "I want to be a mommy and a writer when I grow up". Yes she's only four but somehow it makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

I still have bad days. I still feel like I have no clue what I'm doing at sometimes. I still make mistakes. The difference between me and other moms though is that I like to talk to my friends about those mistakes, laugh about them, and learn from them. I am constantly trying to make myself a better person and relfect upon what I have done wrong. I know I do a lot right, but I am a work in progress and that goes double for being a mom. I want to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, aunt , and everything....but it may take me a lifetime to get there and that's okay!

I love my life and have many blessings, but yes I do get frustrated sometimes. Knowing that and recognizing who I really am as a woman is a big part of what my kids have done for my life. Join me on this wild adventure and recently found thought process about how I am growing more as a mother and as a person every day!