More Self Realizations

I love what I do. I love the point in my life that I am at. I adore my kids, my husband, my mom. I have great family and good friends and overall I'm very lucky. I am not a patient person. I have many character flaws and I am the first to notice them before anybody else ever feels the need to point them out. I feel like I sometimes don't know what I'm doing as a mother....and yet sometimes I amaze myself. I have mommy meltdowns more than I care to admit. Overall though I sometimes struggle to figure out who I am or what I'm doing, I wouldn't trade where I'm at for anything including the chaos.

I don't want to be one of those moms who looks back and thinks about how she tried to portray perfection when really inside she felt like she was struggling. I think it's healthy and normal to talk about the fact that sometimes being a mom is hard. That sometimes balancing it all seems thankless and that I have my bad days. This doesn't mean that I don't love my kids, quite the contrary because I think it shows that I am doing whatever I can to better myself for them as a woman.

I don't know where all of this stream of consciousness comes from. Perhaps it's when I look at my kids and think about what I've done well and what I can work on. Maybe it's because I hear moms all the time trying to be something that they're not or having a hard time trying to compete. I think that mostly it's because Faith looks at me and says "I want to be a mommy and a writer when I grow up". Yes she's only four but somehow it makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

I still have bad days. I still feel like I have no clue what I'm doing at sometimes. I still make mistakes. The difference between me and other moms though is that I like to talk to my friends about those mistakes, laugh about them, and learn from them. I am constantly trying to make myself a better person and relfect upon what I have done wrong. I know I do a lot right, but I am a work in progress and that goes double for being a mom. I want to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, aunt , and everything....but it may take me a lifetime to get there and that's okay!

I love my life and have many blessings, but yes I do get frustrated sometimes. Knowing that and recognizing who I really am as a woman is a big part of what my kids have done for my life. Join me on this wild adventure and recently found thought process about how I am growing more as a mother and as a person every day!

It Dawned On Me

As I sat sharing some wine with a good friend and chatting it up about our latest mommy stories that we as moms feel a need to categorize ourselves. We're either stay at home moms, working moms, moms who have lost our identity, moms who often feel a little crazy and maybe even sweat out in public trying to wrangle our kids.....and why must we categorize who we are?

I've changed the title and the format of my blog for the sole purpose that I am a mom who wears many different hats and I therefore want to reach out to moms just like me. There just isn't enough support for those of us who are moms first and still our old selves second. So allow me to introduce myself!

First and foremost I am a mother to two amazing and beautiful children, Faith (who just turned 4 yesterday) and Colin (who turns 17 months today). My sole purpose in life and reason for living is to be their mom and to care for them night and day. I love this role and I ADORE my children!
That being said, there is far more to me than just being a mom even if that is the most important thing I've ever done.

I am a stay at home mom in terms of the fact that I am here with them and caring for them 24/7 and I do so lovingly. I also happen to be a small business owner as I am a somewhat successful freelance writer who has continued to build my clientele and business over the last 4 years. I love this role too!

I am also the mom who helps in the classroom, bakes cookies for any occassion, offers to host playgroup, gives advice to a friend with a newborn, and goes on and on about how awesome my kids are. At the same time I also enjoy getting out to happy hour with my girlfriends because it makes me feel human. I love date night with my husband and getting out to a good dinner or even the casino with some friends. Suffice it to say that I readily recognize the difference between a vacation and a family trip.

Why am I telling you all of this? Becuase I truly believe that there are many moms out there just like me who ADORE being a mom and love the job more than anything......but who also enjoy being who they are as an individual. So my new focus and purpose for a blog is to publically worship my children and speak to how blessed I feel every day, but also to say that sometimes it's okay to get frustrated or even annoyed.......and that sometimes you just need a glass of wine with a good friend to help you feel human again!