Unexpected Snack

So we had our first real rush trip to the doctor yesterday. My darling little daughter ate something that was not on the menu. Oh a new food, you ask? No, a piece of a dog toy instead! Yup that's right I literally looked away for just a second and when I looked back down at her, she had part of an orange piece of rubber hanging out of her mouth. I panicked and then after consulting with my mom, called the doctor. I thought they might tell me to just keep an eye on her but to my surprise they asked me to bring her in right away. Ugh!

So an hour later and after a full exam and tramautizing x-ray, all is well. My motherly instinct tells me that she never really ate it but was rather taunting me. She is starting on the phase where she's really testing boundaries and mommy. So we can cross a first rush trip off the list!

I've had some bumps with this new huge project this week but I'm working furiously (during nap time and grandma's visits) to overcome them and get back on track. Speaking of which, it's almost nap time and that means that mommy needs to spring into action.

I'm Back!!

Yeah, I'm back!! I must admit that it was an AMAZING trip and some much needed time away with the hubby. How can you not get excited about some relaxing time on the beach and then afternoons and evenings full of cocktails, good food, and some awesome people watching. We had a blast!! Normally as a vacation draws to an end, I get super bummed out and don't want to go home. This time however I was soooooooo beyond excited to get home to Faith and the plane couldn't get here fast enough. I will say that I cried my eyes out the night before we left and for about 10 minutes after we pulled out of the driveway to head to the airport. It was truly hard leaving her but I did it and she was just fine. Thank you God for letting everything be okay here and with Fred and I as we traveled.

So now back to business......

On the mommy front, Faith looks so much bigger! She's walking faster, pointing at everything, and talking up a storm. I feel like I missed a month rather than 4 days, so it's good to be back into the crazy swing of things. In some ways I feel like I never left and in other ways it feels like I took a couple months off of mommy duty. She's so fun and seems quite happy that we're home, though Grandma did an awesome job.

I have some consistent work which is fantastic! I also just got a really big job that I was invited to bid on yesterday. I try not to get too excited until the money is in the bank, but come on....how do you not get excited about your biggest and highest paying job to date?! I know it will be a lot of work over the next two weeks, but I'm just thrilled! Of course my worrying mind wonders what will go wrong because I feel so happy right now, but I'm trying to stay on a positive high and go with it. So that's it for now, back to work--so happy to be home again with my family! I am truly blessed!!

Here We Are

So here we are, less than 24 hours until my long weekend away with the hubby. I am of course excited for some relaxation time, but I am NERVOUS AS HELL about leaving Faith. I know that Grandma will take awesome care of her but I am going to miss her sooooo much! It's so different to go on vacation once you have a baby, there's just so much more to think about. My novel is sufficiently written with full detailed instructions to my mom for Faith, including a letter that I wrote for her to read out loud so that she knows "mommy always comes back". Am I being paranoid and freaking out needlessly? Hopefully, but still.......this is my baby and I've never been away for more than overnight. I just love her so much and I hope that she won't think that I've left for good.

So to Faith, know that mommy loves you so very much and can't wait to be back home kissing you all day long. To my readers out there, you can laugh at what a freak I am for worrying about leaving for three days, but until you've gone through it you can't imagine how hard it is. Now onto write a few more meal ideas and notes that I will leave around for Grandma and Faith to find. Gotta let her know how much I love her even when I'm not here. She's just that special!!

Apprehensive Excitement

So it's now officially the week of our first big trip away from Faith. Though I am really excited to get away with my dear husband and spend some time as adults hopefully basking in the sun with a little umbrella drink in hand, I am seriously nervous to leave Faith. Not because I have anything but the utmost confidence that my mom will take the best care of her second to me, but because I hate leaving her. As I am blessed to be with her all day every day, I have never been away from her for more than overnight. This is going to be hard! I'm super nervous and worried that she will think that I abandoned her. I know, I know, it's crazy and perhaps even a bit silly to feel that she understands that much but I certainly think that she'll notice I'm not here. I'm going to miss that little laugh and sweet little face and yes, even her throwing her sippie. This little girl has become so ingrained into every aspect of my being that I can't imagine how I will do without her next to me or pulling at my leg every day. So I'm going to spend as much quality time with her as possible before I leave and hope that all goes well here on the homefront and with our travels. I'm going to try to enjoy the time away and come home refreshed and even more appreciative (if that's possible) of the fact that I am home with her everyday. I know how lucky I am but sometimes a little time away can make you realize just how lucky you truly are!! I will miss Faith, my mom, and McGwire like crazy and am hoping and praying that all goes well with things here and with our travels. I can't wait for that big hug and smile when I return!!

I also find that it's becoming harder to leave the work for a couple of days. Last time I went away for the weekend with the family, I ended up missing out on a potential job. I hate to have to stay connected all the time, but am wondering if that may be where I'm at with things. We'll see what happens on this trip but all I can do is work my butt off on things before I leave and then hope that everything stays status quo until I return. Wow, when did a vacation away for a few days turn into so much work?!!!

The Mommy BFF's

So just a short post as Faith and I are about to head outside to soak up the sun while it's here. It's a beautiful day and we've already been to the park with our friends, and we'll get in as much outside time as possible!

I was discussing the concept with Jeff last night and came the conclusion that every mommy should have some good "mommy bff's". This can sometimes be your regular old bff if you're lucky or can be somebody that you have met through the course of being a mom that you have developed a close relationship with to share what's going on in baby world. Every mom should have one! These are the friends that you can discuss everything from poopy diapers to sleepless nights to stressful meals and your own mommy meltdowns with. I am so very fortunate to have several mommy bff's and I wish that every mom had just that. It's so nice to feel human and to know that the things that you feel and think are shared and echoed by other moms just like you. We are still the same people we were before babies.......just better and able to multi task more!

So thank you to all of my mommy bff's--you know who you are and I feel lucky to have you!

Serial Worrier

So I am self admittedly a serial worrier. I know this, I recognize it as a character flaw, and I have talked about how I try to work on it time and time again. Yet here I sit consumed with worry and trying hard to just let things roll off. I have so much on my mind and as I think that I will be headed out on vacation a week from today, it's hard not to worry. I know that Faith will be in good hands with my dear mom, but I have so much anxiety about leaving her. I never want her to feel like I have abandoned her, and I know she probably won't think of that, but I can't help but let my mind wander there.

Then I think about all that I have to do before we leave, how I will get my current workload handled, and what I will do about the days I'll be gone once I need to play catch up. Yes, this is how my mind works which is probably why I have stomach problems and likely why I don't sleep well anymore. I've always been a worrier but it seems to get worse as I get older. I surprise myself sometimes with a bit of a laid back attitude towards parenting, and usually the worry is about the things that I truly can't change. So I'm working on it, but yes I am a SERIAL WORRIER!! Even my own mom thinks that I worry too much and wants me to get a handle on it so that it doesn't affect my health.

Hey what can I say except that I am a work in progress! I think that when you're working with the balancing act of being a good mother, keeping some sort of a career going particularly when it's on your own, and keeping the husband, mom, friends, and family happy---sometimes you're going to worry! I think that once I'm on that beach with a cocktail in hand hopefully all will be okay, sometimes it's the anxiety that makes it worse in your head than it really is. So here I sit trying not to let the worry get the best of me and continuing to have talks in my head telling myself that everything is always okay. I know that I'm truly blessed so I'll just keep working on the worrying thing...hopefully I can get a handle on it through time!

Excitement and Some Mixed Emotions

FAITH IS WALKING!!! She took her first steps on Friday afternoon (4/10/09) and I couldn't believe my eyes. This was truly one of my proudest mommy moments as I watched her walk back and forth between my husband, my mom, and I. It was exhilirating as I had waited for so long to see those first steps and I was just thrilled! We captured it on tape fortunately and she's been dabbling in it throughout the weekend. I think it will take some time before she's walking full time but baby steps, right?!!

So from that excitement to my mommy meltdown about her lack of napping. What is this all about? I'm human so I'll say that I find this new trend to be quite frustrating!! We went from two naps down to one most of the time. For awhile we were getting a nice hour and a half or two hour nap and that is fabulous for Faith and mommy. So this new resistance to napping is not only perplexing but downright frustrating at times. I will say it's not my proudest mommy moment to be frustrated by this, but I don't think I'm the only one to ever feel this way! (at least I hope not!)

We had a very nice Easter weekend! Faith did awesome (in spite of the aforementioned lack of sleep) and seemed to enjoy being with family and enjoying all the fun that Easter brings. We took her for pictures and she was a champ there too. So I suppose I should remind myself of those things when times get tough or challenging. I did find myself quite thankful when she was so good at Church as the girl next to us had no less then three full on meltdowns. Yikes!! Other than the temporary insanity right before the company arrived here for Easter dinner, everything was great!!

I did get a new job I am very happy to report. I'm a bit nervous admittedly as it could be a biggie and it's the first bigger one I've had since some of my "hiccups" but I'm hoping I get back on track. Only 10 days until vacation and though I have major anxiety about leaving my baby love and have tons to do before we leave, I must say that I'm looking forward to it!

Inspired and Chaotic

So Faith is now in the height of cutting three molars, battling a double ear infection, and now has a bad cold on top of things complete with a cough that's keeping her up. Poor little thing is just miserable and of course not herself!! I'm trying to just comfort her and be a good mom, but sometimes it's hard when all they want to do is whine and cry. I wish I could help her somehow but it's times like these that I am so grateful that I'm home with her. I love being the one to take care of her and be here for any need that she might have. Hoping that she's feeling much better and is back to her old normal self by my next post.

On a lighter note, I am feeling quite inspired. I got some signs and positive feelings about writing my book, which of course is my dream for writing in the first place. I feel like my thoughts are really scattered right now and I need to just force myself to sit down and figure out where I'm headed and what to do next, but it's coming to the surface a little more at a time. I got some great inspiration today and feel like it's time to really start giving some thought to this. You never know, it could really work out for me. I'm not getting my hopes up just yet, but it's something just to know that I really want to do this and committ to it. I think that it will help to fill the gap of not having any huge projects right now either. I'm hopeful that more work is to come, and trying hard not to give into my frustration or disappointment. Riding the freelance roller coaster is part of the game and I'm trying to bring my good attitude and eagerness into it. We shall see what happens, but for now I'm trying to find inspiration in spite of some of the chaos.

Just When You Think You Know It All....

I swear that every time I think that I know what I'm doing as a mom, something comes along to prove otherwise. I consider myself to be a good mother and I'm learning everyday. It always happens to me that I feel as if I know what I'm doing....and then bam there's a situation that throws me all off again. My poor baby girl has had a fever for a couple of days and after calling into the doctor a couple of times, I went with my maternal instinct and took her in for a visit just to be sure. It turns out that my little sweetie pie is cutting three molars which caused her a double ear infection. Oh my God, are you serious? I was in shock as she doesn't really exhibit that many symptoms so here we are on antibiotics again. Thank God we took her in but I felt so stupid for not having a clue. Learning every day---I suppose that's a part of motherhood. She's a trooper, she really is! So hoping that she feels more like herself once the antibiotic kicks in. Who knows, maybe she'll even walk for us just for fun!!

Still nothing much on the job front. My wonderful husband tells me to just chill out and enjoy a slow time, but I'm not sure I know how to do that anymore. So here I sit waiting for more work to come in, trying to be proactive but not wasting my time on things that aren't worthwhile. I'm hoping it all works out and that I land some great jobs, but in the meantime and always my main focus is to take care of the family and make sure that all is well. Three weeks until our vacation so maybe that's why I'm slower, so that I can enjoy some time with Faith before we head out.
So here's to being a mother that truly doesn't know it all, will never claim to know it all, and will likely be learning lessons even when her children are adults. I can only laugh at myself sometimes!!