Ugh, Really?

So due to my newfound committment to being positive, I won't brush today off as a bad day but rather will call it "one of those days". How can I not be happy overall when my beautiful baby girl wakes up each morning singing? It really just doesn't get much better than that! She is a true joy and though I will admit that I feel the "terrible twos" coming upon us, she is still a pretty good kid......and she cracks me up everyday!

Today was just a series of unfortunate events and sometimes it's just hard to pick yourself back up. Though I've tried hard not to let it, sometimes the situation really gets to me. I feel overwhelmed, disappointed, frustrated, bitter, and just worried that things will never get better. I know that they will and I recognize that this is only temporary in nature, but sometimes when you're going through things it's hard to gain that perspective. I try hard, I'm grateful for the work, and I hope and pray that things will change for the better....but some days it's just hard and that's all there is to it. I try hard not to let my feelings of frustration get in the way of being a mommy or of running my business, but I am human and it's hard to always brush them aside.

I really do want to be positive, not just because I made that commitment but also because I think that it just makes the days much easier and more enjoyable. That being said, today was one of those days that I will just brush off as "one of those days" and I will regroup and face tomorrow with a smile. I am on the verge of hopefully getting some good projects, and I am working to finish up the work that I've had. I know that someday I will look back at this phase and wonder how in the world I got it all done and didn't lose all of my sanity.

For now though, I am focused and hopeful for a better tomorrow. I am looking forward to enjoy more smiles and joy from my baby girl, and hoping to enjoy more work coming my way to take some of the worry away. Man, being a mompreneur is sure a tough balancing act sometimes!!

Just Around the Corner?

I feel hopeful. I feel joyful. I feel blessed. Not the usual way that I've started out my postings lately, but somehow I feel compelled to share that. I had to take a break from my writing assignments to share my very real sentiments in my ongoing online journal. I feel that somehow putting it out there like that seems to just make it real, make it somehow count for something. I am hopeful that these GOOD THINGS that I constantly speak of are just around the corner. Based on what? Nothing really, to be honest not much is putting me in that frame of mind but nonetheless I'm feeling it.

Perhaps it's because Faith is just so stinking cute right now. Her ability to pick up just about everything we say these days is so much fun. I'm just loving hearing her speak so much, say so many new words each and everyday. She's even answering our questions with a "yeah" or a "no" if she doesn't like something. It's pure joy, and such a blissful and fulfilling stage of motherhood. Everytime I think I have it all figured out, this whole motherhood journey, then something else comes along and brings me a pleasant little surprise. I can't wait to share all of the upcoming holidays with her and see what excitement and joy it brings. I am hopeful and blessed.

I have consistent work, and I feel good about that. While I am always a bit skeptical and anxious, I am somehow compelled to feel that I'm doing okay. I keep plugging along, getting work here and there and somehow keeping up. I still worry about making deadlines or getting good reviews, but I feel quite proud of the work and success that I've accomplished in my efforts and hard work. There's a reason that I was brought to this profession, and I am actually making it work. I feel good about that!

I feel like something good, or really great is going to happen for my husband and for our family. I don't know when, though I hope it is soon. I feel like it's our turn, like good things must be coming our way. We are so truly blessed in so many ways, and all I can hope is that these feelings of gratitude and happiness can sustain and turn into something truly wonderful and fulfilling for my husband and for our whole family. So with that, I will do my best to keep this positivity going strong!

Trying to Smile

It's been a ROUGH week, there's no other way to put it. As the week started out it was evident that it was going to be a challenging one and it hasn't really let up ever since. Faith has roseola which means a rash all over her body. Seems to bother me more than her, but still nothing that I would wish on my poor little girl. We started off with her sleeping on me all one night, and it's just gone from there. Fortunately she seemed fine early on in the week and we had our parenting group over, and that was as much fun for the adults as it was for the kids in their costumes.

I've been working hard as usual, trying to make a dent in the freelance world and in the finances. The dear hubby continues to work tirelessly to find something, anything that will get him back into the working world. I won't lie...when we hear about new people finding opportunities all the time, we are happy for them but still wondering why it hasn't happened here yet. We keep hoping and praying that somehow something will come our way....but nothing so far. We feel somehow positive today, no real explanation for it but we're doing our part to keep a smile on our face. Faith deserves that, and after the week that we've had and a rushed trip to the pediatrician's night owl clinic upon discovery of the said rash, we need to keep everyone's spirits up.

As I sit here and contemplate where the next batch of work will come from and how I will sustain this level of activity, I am grateful. Never would I have imagined a year ago that I would have this level of activity through my freelance work. Thank God that I have it, and that I've really made a go of my freelance career. I can only hope that I can keep it going as I move forward, for now as we need the money and moving forward as I want to really make something out of myself. I want to look at my efforts and be proud of the work I've done, and hope that I can serve as a positive role model to my daughter (and hopefully future children) to prove that you CAN do it and that you CAN have it all! So hoping and praying for GOOD THINGS and in the meantime, just trying hard to smile!

Give Me Something Good!!

I won't lie, I'm in a bit of a downward spiral right now! Nothing new, just the current circumstances getting me down. I'm plenty busy, but just feeling so low right now. I keep trying to pick myself up by saying GOOD THINGS, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I suppose that it's natural to go through days and stages like this amidst a pretty crappy situation, but I hate it when I can't seem to pick myself up right now. I'm down on everything.....and I need to change it around soon.

I suppose that I have to look at my blessings....first and foremost Faith of course! I must say that since our trip she has picked up A LOT of new words and is repeating a ton. I listened to her actually repeat most of the letters in the alphabet yesterday and nearly fell off my chair. She's my cutie pie, seriously my little "angel baby" as I tell her each and every night before I put her down to sleep. We're having fun with her, but I worry about how we will be able to provide for her in the future or what this awful situation is going to mean for us in the future. I just hope that it all works out, most especially for her sake.

I also need to remember and look at the fact that I haven't had to bid on a new job in weeks. That has NEVER happened in my freelance writing career. It tells you just how busy I am, and though I am grateful I would be lying if I didn't report that I've had a couple of mommy meltdowns under the pressure. Perhaps it all just gets to me sometimes, but it's a whole lot to take in. I miss the days when I would spend a couple of hours on work or simply work through nap time and then enjoy the rest of the day with her. I am suffering through what I am sure many moms struggle with.....the balance! I love the work and am certainly grateful for the funds right now, but I hate to miss precious moments with her---even if I am thanfully still in the same house as her.

So I write today in hopes of getting a sign, of finding that there is something wonderful ahead, praying that one of these days something great is going to happen and that we can get back on our feet and again begin to hopefully enjoy a bit of normalcy! Oh I so hope it happens soon and I can actually be me again!

We're Back.....and We Did It!!

So we are back from our big trip to ATL.....and it went AWESOME!! My baby girl did GREAT on the plane both ways and had an absolute blast playing with her friend Ella all weekend long. We had such a great time catching up with some amazing friends, and packed a lot in. It was a dream of a trip and I am so glad that it all worked out. I think that Faith had just as much fun as we did! I feel so very fortunate to have found such a wonderful friend in Sarah and her family, we are really lucky to have such good people in our lives. Faith was pure entertainment, laughing and talking up a storm, and she really learned a lot from Ella. We hit the aquarium, a laser and fireworks show, had some great meals and drinks of course, and just enjoyed time hanging out. Faith has even learned "please" and "thank you" so that's fantastic!! It was perfect! Most certainly hard to come back to reality for sure!!

So nothing really new to report. We are both happily working away on freelance work. A bit disappointed on not hearing back on some of the full time positions that have sounded promising, but trying hard not to give up hope. It's tough some days, but we're doing our very best. It was nice to get some time away and come back refreshed, but it's going to be a crazy couple of weeks. I keep telling myself the usual GOOD THINGS, but with no real action as of yet, it does get hard sometimes. We both keep trying to pull each other up, and hopefully we can maintain that. In the meantime, the freelance work does help a lot even if it means we are like crazy maniacs sometimes. I swear that I see my husband even less now that he's home all the time....who would have ever thought? So I will keep up hope that by the time of my next post that we will have some good news (Oh God, please!!). In the meantime, I am so grateful for such a great visit with such wonderful friends! It was truly just what we needed!!