A Little Help from My Friends

I won't lie and say that our situation is any better, it's not. It's still difficult and trying and slow to move in the right direction. We alternate between days of optimism and positive thinking to feeling so down in the dumps that we can't figure a way out of our current misfortune. I think it's taught us both not only to lean on each other and to always have a "Plan B", but also that we have the most amazing support network that anybody could ask for. They say you find out very quickly who your true friends are when you go through a crisis and that has never been more true. We simply have the most amazing family and friends who are doing everything they can think of to be there for us, even if it's just to listen or to check in on us. Even those that I would never expect such acts of kindness from are really showing their true colors as friends. We're very lucky in that respect--that's got to count for something, right?

I was lucky enough to land some good jobs which helps a lot. It will help in paying a few bills, certainly won't make up for the money lost or the benefits at all, but it's something I suppose. I'm working my butt off and hoping that it pays off for us. Same with Jeff, he's working so hard on the job search and ways to really get creative but it's hard sometimes to feel like we're just spinning our wheels. We are hoping for better days ahead somehow, but it's a long and tough road. All I know is that we are so very lucky to have some of the wonderful people in our life. That's got to mean something positive lies ahead of us, right?

Give Me Strength

So the very worst case scenario happened with Jeff's job on Thursday....he was rather unexpectedly laid off. It really sent us both reeling and we're doing our very best to deal with it and to somehow stay strong, though admittedly it is really tough. It's really hard to understand why this is happening and though I do somehow believe that there's a reason and that we will discover what that is later on, right now it's just a lot to contend with. We're being resourceful and each doing our part to keep our family running smoothly. Fortunately Faith is still young enough that she's not entirely sure of what's going on just yet, which is good. I pray that we figure this out soon, especially before she is old enough to get it. It's a scary state of affairs and I pray that we can get back to normal as soon as possible.

Fortunately Faith has been such a good girl and so easy going--it's almost as if she knew what was happening. She's such a blessing, such a little angel and really one of the only things that is keeping us going right now. We do everything for her and for our little family and hopefully we will be blessed with something great and be able to put this scary chapter behind us. She's keeping us smiling and laughing constantly which is the greatest gift ever!

I'm doing my part to really try and step up my work efforts, to really try and drive more writring business for myself in hopes of supporting my family. I want to do my part and pray that I will continue to work in this capacity. I would be lost without my little angel next to me each and everyday and pray that somehow this will all end up okay and that I can continue to be the one who takes care of her and does everything for her each and every day. Suffice it to say that I will never complain again and will do my best to really appreciate all of the blessings that I have. Amazing how a tragic setback can make you really stand up and take notice. I hope that all the prayers we have with us and all the hard work turns int something truly wonderful. That we can stay happy and together as a family, because really that's the most important thing!

The Little Things

What a great weekend! I always appreciated the weekends when I was working at an office full time, but now that I have a family of my own I appreciate them so much more. I just love when we can spend quality time together and to capture all the precious memories with Faith. We fit in a bbq with good friends, a day at the zoo, and a family graduation party. I feel so very grateful when we can all share special times like these and it seems that Faith values our time together too. I feel so very lucky and try to hold onto these memories so that I have them at the forefront of my mind when a rough day comes upon me.

I have another new project which is just great, even with a repeat client so that always makes me feel better. I'm working away and trying not to take on too much as the weather makes it too hard for both Faith and I to stay couped up inside for too long. It seems that this little girl is taking after her mommy and daddy in that she loves to be outside. So while I'm working to contribute as always through my work and to keep my name out there as a preferred provider, I am trying to really balance it out so that we can continue to enjoy days at the zoo, the park, and even the pool if it keeps warming up. It's hard enough to be inside when you work in an office, but when you have a sweet little girl pulling on your leg and sweetly saying "out" it's pretty hard to turn that out. That burst of excitement and little laugh when we get outside makes keeping a realistic workload a major priority these days. I can only hope to keep up with the quality of assignments that I am working on right now with the quality of clients that I have--doesn't always go that way but for now I'm cherishing the little things as long as I can!

Reflection Time

As today is my mom's birthday, I take time to reflect on how truly blessed I am to have not just such an excellent help and support system in her, but also as to what a great role model she is to me. My mom is my best friend and has always been there for me, but has taught me how to be a good person and a great mother. I strive to be like her and find myself getting disappointed when I don't live up to what I saw in her growing up. On days where I feel overwhelmed with everything, I try to think of everything my mom had to overcome with being a single parent to me for twenty-five years. She encompasses what a good mother is and should be and I find that I learn something new from her all the time. We are all very lucky to have her! I am honestly not sure how I would stay afloat without her, and I hope to never find out.

Faith is walking and talking up a storm. This is a very trying stage but also a very rewarding stage. She's saying so much now with "cat", "car", "ball", "dog", "hat", "monkey", "cup", and quite a few more words being added recently. I am amazed at how much she picks up and how loving she can be. I feel truly blessed and even when she tries my patience by continuously throwing food or her cup or her spoon on the floor, or hitting the dog over and over, I remember how lucky I am to have her. I will admit that I sometimes need to leave the room and take a deep breath for a second, but that's all part of being a mother I suppose. She makes me laugh everyday and that's a gift!

I quit my first freelance job and I feel relieved. Sure the money would have been really nice and helpful and for that reason I felt terrible and guilty but I must say that this guy was a real "class act" and was costing me more in my sanity than he would have paid me for the full assignment. So mark that up as a first for the freelance career and it is my hope that he is replaced with another excellent assignment. Until then, I will enjoy a little bit of slow time (whatever that is) and look forward to some family fun time.

Picking Myself Up

Friday did not contain some of my best mommy moments. I had a very difficult client to deal with that was turning me into a bit of a monster. I wrote version upon version of the same piece, only to be met with sharp criticism and a slew of edits. As one of the best skills I gained in Corporate America was a tough skin, I can usually take this all in stride. However I had finally reached my breaking point--I was just done! I put on my happy face and did my best to muddle through but this project was taking the best of me, and to be honest was not allowing me to focus on Faith or spend time with her as I should have been. The good news is that the project has finally come to an end (thankfully) and now I can focus on the priority at hand--my sweet little girl.

Things came to a head Friday when I felt myself getting frustrated as Faith awoke "too early" from a nap, infringing on my work time. It was at the moment that I got irritated at her sweet little cry on the other end of the monitor that it dawned on me--I need to find work life balance, even in a career that allows me the amazing ability to work at home with my daughter. I'm lucky, I'm blessed, I'm eternally grateful--but if I don't work it right, I'm also working through breakfast time with Faith, every moment of naptime, every night, and most of the weekend. Even for me, finding a healthy and normal work life balance is essential. I learned that after some tears and a bit of a mommy meltdown that caused me to wake up and figure out what makes for a workload condusive to my situation.

Back when Faith slept most of the day, more work may have been feasible. These days however when I have a toddler in tow and here, there and everywhere, I need to be realistic about the work I can take on. Jeff took what we were PRAYING is his last exam so that should help, but the reality is that I'm home because I want to be here for every first moment, word, milestone, laugh, and in order to do so I just need to be honest with myself about my expectations and workload. I am a mother and wife first and foremost, and followed closely by a freelance writer working hard to make my very own business work for me. I know that I can do it all with grace, but sometimes not so much with ease. Anybody who tells you that the newborn phase is the hardest surely doesn't have a toddler or remember those trying times of limit testing.....but these are also the most rewarding times and I plan to cherish every moment of it.

So mommy meltdown be gone, I am ready to take on the work at hand, work towards some realistic goals, and continue to be a great mom and exceed my client's expectations. I am back to it and I can do it all, the right way!

Staying the Course

Okay we are now officially part of the parent club. It seems that every mom that I know happens to have a zoo membership and we are part of this elite group and loving it. We just went for our second trip to the zoo in less than a week and Faith really seems to enjoy it. Mommy does too as it's a nice outing to enjoy and of course some good exercise to walk through there and push the stroller. There are so many fun things to do in the summer and we are just loving it so far.

It has been a bit chaotic around the house as Jeff prepares for what we hope is his last exam and I work through my big projects. Each night after we put Faith to bed, we both retreat to our corners of the house (or caves as I like to refer to them) to get to work on our respective projects. We will be so glad when he's done and just PRAY that he passes....all prayers are welcome! So I will say that maybe I've been a bit on edge with this whole dynamic going on but I'm still trying to remember even in the super stressful parts that I am grateful and happy. Sometimes my stress gets the best of me which leads to some possible tears or even anger, but I'm doing my best to keep it in check. Faith is a big help with that too as it's pretty hard to get or stay upset when I look at those beautiful blue eyes and that adorable little toothy grin.

I feel very lucky to have some great projects right now, though I am dealing with the fear for a second time in my career of not getting paid for work done. I could hunt this guy down and let him have a peace of my mind, but I'm hoping that it will work out and he'll pay up.....this is the difficult aspect of this business though. So hoping for some good stuff for the weekend ahead, for a passing exam, a paycheck, and generally some great family time!

I Can Do This....Right?!!

Be careful what you wish for--that statement seems to hold true a lot these days! I wished for Faith to walk and while this milestone has brought us great joy, it has also brought about a very active and very wiggly little toddler that just does not want to hold still. I wished for some work to come in, and though I am ALWAYS grateful for it I am now faced yet again with the feeling of panic that plagues me as I figure out how the heck I will get it all done. Let me expand a bit!

Faith has been loving life and exploring the world around her. It's a really cool feeling to watch her little eyes light up as she discovers new things everyday and gets better use of her legs becoming an expert (though still stumbling a bit) walking little girl! To that though, I will say that she has become a bit mishevious. Not a bad thing and certainly not unexpected but I can't keep up with her sometimes. I had to actually leave Church early as Faith was not having the "sit still and listen to mommy" that I was trying to spew. In spite of the snacks, books, and "interesting toys" that cluttered the floor around us, she was just done. That's the way it goes these days, and I'm trying to get used to it and learn a little mommy patience.

Every stage brings some awesome things and some new challenges so that's where we're at. We also purchased our first of many zoo memberships--seems to be a rite of passage in the young family crowd. She loved being there and seeing the animals so I suspect that we'll be spending some great time there--hopefully not just with me chasing her around the grounds!

I am now faced with several projects which is fantastic and I am always so grateful for the work in this competitive marketplace. However when I make my ever growing weekly "to do list", I find that I am a bit overwhelmed. I'm looking at about 65 articles a week for the next three weeks so I'm a little overwhelmed, but still eternally grateful. I will say I think that's why we drink the "mommy juice" as my friend calls it--wine does help a bit on the weekends! So back to the computer and coming up with some revolutionary content to fill all of these articles. Do they really think I know what I'm doing? Do I?