A Slow and Steady Panic

Oh wow I feel so lucky that the work has been rolling in. I stand behind that statement and will remind myself of that as I slowly panic about how the hell I will possibly get it all done! Wow, I did my little organization list and I have a lot to do. It's awesome because I love the work but there are days where it makes my eyes roll back in my head thinking of the number of articles that I crank out sometimes. Thank God for spell check and for my ability to talk about any topic under the sun....who would have thought that I could write 50 articles on model boats, 100 on various spa topics, and have created a niche on health issues?!!

Faith is getting REALLY close to walking which is exciting and even a little scary all at the same time. She's so much fun right now and such a good sport as I schlep her all over town to various playdates, errands, and classes. My sisters continue to make fun of my "baby cults" as I drive off to the next big event! I am going to be teaching a class in April too, kind of like a "Mommy & Me" type of deal. It's a great way for Faith and I to take the class together and hopefully will teach me a thing or two. Ya never know?!!!
So yes there's much excitement around the Frederick house and much to be grateful for. But I am consumed with the thoughts every now and then of "can I really do this and if so, how will I budget my time and get it all done?". Such is life and it makes things interesting......it's also why I so enjoy my evenings of wine with Jeff and good friends!

No Complaints

It's human nature to complain I suppose. Though I never used to think of myself as a complainer, I fear that with age has come the inherent ability to complain. We can all find something if we really try, complain about our weight or the traffic or the fact that there's not enough time in the day. But really are these legitimate things to complain about? Sure they may seem like a big deal at the time, but the reality is that there are much bigger problems in life than the few sited. Still I've caught myself complaining and worked hard to get better as it. As a matter of fact one of the very things that I plan on focusing on throughout Lent is how to be a more positive and grateful person.

I mean really, I've had some setbacks and lived through some real legitimate problems but all in all I'm a pretty lucky girl. I'm lucky to be a mom to a fantastic and amazing baby girl who lights up my life everyday. I'm lucky to be at home with her AND to be running a business doing something that I really love--this is truly my lifelong dream that I hope to live out for years and years to come. I'm lucky to be married to a wonderful man who is my best friend and who happens to be an amazing father, who is also quite supportive of my business and all the work it takes sometimes. I'm lucky to have such a supportive and inspirational mother who is there for me and my family no matter what and who loves me and motivates me to be a better person everyday. I am lucky to have such an awesome family, for which I just came back from a wonderful weekend away realizing just how much I love them and generally enjoy spending time with them. I'm lucky for fabulous friends, good health, our house, of course our dog McGwire, and the list goes on and on.

This really needs to serve as my post to look back on when I'm having a good week because I am truly lucky. I am guilty just like everyone else of complaining and forgetting about all the things I'm lucky for, but when I stop to think about it I am truly blessed. I hope and pray that I can continue to live this dream of mine being home as a mother while also keeping a legitimate and (hopefully) successful business going for myself and my family. I am super busy right now so of course it's quite easy to focus on the good things and be positive, so hopefully with my new vow I will also get better about this when times are tough or when I'm struggling to find work or figure out a new way to feed Faith or cure a cold. So here I am feeling grateful, trying to ignore the nagging worry that I encounter all too often that tells me "everything is good, so now what will go wrong?" and instead focus on "I'm a hell of a lucky girl"!! So for now no complaints and good thoughts!

Learning a Little Everyday

I feel as though I learn something new everyday, both as a mother and a mompreneur. I've learned so much through Faith and am slowly developing into a mom that feels like she knows what she's doing. Surely that will change once the next phase hits, but I'm enjoying it as I go along. I've learned how to handle teething, what to feed my little girl to get her to eat, how to get her to take a good nap, and so on. However I still have a lot to learn and I am seriously learning something new everyday. I'm also quite lucky that I have such a great support system of family and friends that teach me and help me to constantly become a better mother.

As a mompreneur, I'm learning a ton too. I've learned how to meet deadlines even when it seems impossible. I've learned not to get too frustrated when I don't have a new project right here and right now (though that is one that I'm still working on because I'm such a worrier!), and I've learned how to pace out my assignments so that I hopefully don't have that one week of NOTHING where I just panic. I've been at this for almost a year if you can believe it and though I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, I do feel like I've come a long way. I'm trying to get creative with finding new work, keep my worries and stress levels in check no matter where I'm at in the cycle, and above all enjoy each and every stage. With Faith on the brink of walking and talking up a storm, I am enjoying where I'm at in this very moment--even if some of it is worrisome and stressful (such as when will she walk, where will my next job come from, and on and on and on) I think that I'm slowly learning to stay calm and embrace each day for the adventure that it brings.

An Organized Chaos

So I always considered myself to be a very organized person until I had a baby. I admit that mommy brain has set in and I have been known to forget something important (like fresh socks for vacation) that I never found myself doing before. Add to that the fact that at any given time I have about 52 things on my mind and there are days that I have to stop and think about what I did. I swear I never used to be somebody who didn't know what end is up, but I do pack a lot in so it's all quite justified I would argue.

I think that when you become a mom you have to learn to organize, adapt, and stay on task as quickly as things change. Whether it's remembering that you need diapers and paper towel, or just that you need to give your little one vitamins--it can all total up to a whole lot of miscellaneous information in your head. It comes with the territory of being a mom and a good one at that! I think that for the most part I stay on task but occassionally something falls off the radar. Keep in mind that I am also trying to remember the deadlines for the jobs that I have going and what I'm waiting to hear from in terms of the work that I'm hoping to get. It can be overwhelming but so worth it when I successfully complete a task. I'm that person that thrives off of organization, and I love "to do lists". I make lists for just about everything and my idea of relaxing is to sit down at night with a pen and paper and create an old school list. This weird passion has been very helpful in being a good mom and also running a busy business.

Sure I don't remember every little thing and I am very lucky in that I get some WONDERFUL help from my mother and my husband, but all in all I think that I do okay. I hope to instill these skills in Faith and that they keep getting sharper as I move forward as a mother and a business owner. Time will tell but for now, onto the next "to do list"!

Sometimes I'm Up, and Sometimes.......I'm DOWN!!

I'll admit it, I had a "mommy meltdown" day yesterday. Feeling a lot of pressure about an approaching deadline and fearing I'd never get it done, combined with the constant fear of where to get my next job from, combined with a general worry about the economy and all of the negative aspects of that--let's just say that I created a recipe for disaster in my head! My dear mom was here as usual to help out so I could work and I just lost it, cried, vented, and yes even whined a little bit. It happens to the best of us! On a daily basis I am able to take a step back and realize just how lucky I am to be in this situation where I can be home with my darling little girl and still bring in some money....but sometimes my fear and anxiety get the better of me.

Then after a great pep talk, another supportive evening from my wonderful husband, and looking at Faith's sweet little face, I realized that I have nothing to complain about. Sure the deadlines will always be there, as will the anxiety about where the next batch of work will come from--it's the nature of the business! Just as every job has its' drawbacks, those are the major ones with this gig. So I realized I need to suck it up, quit whining, and realize daily just how very lucky I truly am! I have now instituted in conjunction with my dear husband a rule that each day we have to say one thing that we are grateful for. This helps us to stay grounded, keep perspective of what's important, and generally just love life more. So that's where I'm at today and feeling much more human. Hopefully that and the recent flow of work will continue, but hey one day at a time! I mean really, how could anyone get upset when they get to look at this sweet little face each and every day? I am truly one very very lucky woman and I know it and pray that it always continues!!