More Self Realizations

I love what I do. I love the point in my life that I am at. I adore my kids, my husband, my mom. I have great family and good friends and overall I'm very lucky. I am not a patient person. I have many character flaws and I am the first to notice them before anybody else ever feels the need to point them out. I feel like I sometimes don't know what I'm doing as a mother....and yet sometimes I amaze myself. I have mommy meltdowns more than I care to admit. Overall though I sometimes struggle to figure out who I am or what I'm doing, I wouldn't trade where I'm at for anything including the chaos.

I don't want to be one of those moms who looks back and thinks about how she tried to portray perfection when really inside she felt like she was struggling. I think it's healthy and normal to talk about the fact that sometimes being a mom is hard. That sometimes balancing it all seems thankless and that I have my bad days. This doesn't mean that I don't love my kids, quite the contrary because I think it shows that I am doing whatever I can to better myself for them as a woman.

I don't know where all of this stream of consciousness comes from. Perhaps it's when I look at my kids and think about what I've done well and what I can work on. Maybe it's because I hear moms all the time trying to be something that they're not or having a hard time trying to compete. I think that mostly it's because Faith looks at me and says "I want to be a mommy and a writer when I grow up". Yes she's only four but somehow it makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

I still have bad days. I still feel like I have no clue what I'm doing at sometimes. I still make mistakes. The difference between me and other moms though is that I like to talk to my friends about those mistakes, laugh about them, and learn from them. I am constantly trying to make myself a better person and relfect upon what I have done wrong. I know I do a lot right, but I am a work in progress and that goes double for being a mom. I want to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, aunt , and everything....but it may take me a lifetime to get there and that's okay!

I love my life and have many blessings, but yes I do get frustrated sometimes. Knowing that and recognizing who I really am as a woman is a big part of what my kids have done for my life. Join me on this wild adventure and recently found thought process about how I am growing more as a mother and as a person every day!

It Dawned On Me

As I sat sharing some wine with a good friend and chatting it up about our latest mommy stories that we as moms feel a need to categorize ourselves. We're either stay at home moms, working moms, moms who have lost our identity, moms who often feel a little crazy and maybe even sweat out in public trying to wrangle our kids.....and why must we categorize who we are?

I've changed the title and the format of my blog for the sole purpose that I am a mom who wears many different hats and I therefore want to reach out to moms just like me. There just isn't enough support for those of us who are moms first and still our old selves second. So allow me to introduce myself!

First and foremost I am a mother to two amazing and beautiful children, Faith (who just turned 4 yesterday) and Colin (who turns 17 months today). My sole purpose in life and reason for living is to be their mom and to care for them night and day. I love this role and I ADORE my children!
That being said, there is far more to me than just being a mom even if that is the most important thing I've ever done.

I am a stay at home mom in terms of the fact that I am here with them and caring for them 24/7 and I do so lovingly. I also happen to be a small business owner as I am a somewhat successful freelance writer who has continued to build my clientele and business over the last 4 years. I love this role too!

I am also the mom who helps in the classroom, bakes cookies for any occassion, offers to host playgroup, gives advice to a friend with a newborn, and goes on and on about how awesome my kids are. At the same time I also enjoy getting out to happy hour with my girlfriends because it makes me feel human. I love date night with my husband and getting out to a good dinner or even the casino with some friends. Suffice it to say that I readily recognize the difference between a vacation and a family trip.

Why am I telling you all of this? Becuase I truly believe that there are many moms out there just like me who ADORE being a mom and love the job more than anything......but who also enjoy being who they are as an individual. So my new focus and purpose for a blog is to publically worship my children and speak to how blessed I feel every day, but also to say that sometimes it's okay to get frustrated or even annoyed.......and that sometimes you just need a glass of wine with a good friend to help you feel human again!

Keeping It Going

We are anxiously waiting for spring, seriously can't wait!! We had a tease and that meant that we were outside all day long! We can't wait for that because there's something about sunshine and fresh air that can instantly put you in a good mood. In the meantime however we are just moving right along. I've been really busy with work, which is always a great thing. A few new clients and my regular favorite ones that have stood by me even with a matnernity leave. I love the constant flow of work and pray that it continues. Dear hubby is doing well with his job and we pray that continues as well! What a difference a year can make!! Colin is crawling right along and trying to pull up already. Crazy to me how different they are, and already see that. He's smiling a lot, still no teeth which can make for a bit of fussiness but we wait and wait. He's in the 10th%ile for his weight (14.5 pounds) and the 75th%ile for his length (28 inches), just like his sister. Faith is doing well, talking up a storm and growing more and more into a full fledged little girl. The potty still continues to be a bit of an issue at times, but I see more progress everyday. She is so much fun and even loves to exercise with mommy. She's at a sleepover with her nani and cousins right now and these are the surprises that she just adores! I love when I can say that we're moving right along and pray for this normalcy! More to come soon as we have all sorts of wonderful things to look forward to!

A Plateau

It seems that every time we tend to get comfortable in life, we almost always hit a plateau. I am self admittedly on a health kick to get off this baby weight and feel as though I have hit that plateau....even though I am working out 6 times a week! With my work, I feel as though I have hit a plateau as I'm working with some of my favorite clients but haven't had any new clients for a little while. None of this is bad, but it just makes you wonder what is ahead--hopefully good things!!

The kids are doing well, though we can't wait for winter to be over and to hopefully be away from all of the illness. This has been the worst winter that I can remember for our family and many that we know with small children! The weather has been awful and the sickness just keeps on coming.....3 ear infections so far for each kid and hoping it's winding down! Faith is loving school and hopefully that will continue as she is learning so much. Still struggling with the potty training a bit, but getting there. Colin is crawling!! Yes, that's right our little "Bam Bam" started crawling at 6 months and he is on the move! It's so fun to see the two of them together and very rewarding, even during the rough days.

Hoping that the plateau subsides soon and that there are good times ahead for all of us!! Until then, busy personal and work life continues!

Oh How I Crave Routine

When you're in the middle of it you don't realize how nice it is......routine! I am a creature of habit, I like to be in my comfort zone, and when I'm away from it I go crazy. Colin is trying to sort of get into some sort of a routine but we're not there yet. He's smiling and laughing more which is awesome, but he's just a bit unpredictable and that's hard for a control freak planner like me! He's cute as can be and trying to cut two teeth so we wait and wait and wait in hopes that it will cure any fusiness that he may have.

Faith is doing very well in preschool and loving it. I see her thriving and really taking off in terms of her maturity and learning. She has her three year old moments but she is overall turning into such a beautiful and sweet little girl. She is big into helping right now and that makes even the roughest day so much easier to cope with. I feel so lucky to be home with both of them even though there have been a fair share of rough days over the last five months.

I am very happy to report that my freelance work has picked up again. Admittedly there have been some rather stressful days when the balance is tough. I again feel very lucky for an extremely supportive husband and mother for none of this would be possible without them. I am starting to get back into some sort of a working routine, but it is so much different with two than it was with one. You realize that very quickly!

We are getting there and hoping that a routine will be in full swing soon enough! In the meantime we are trying to enjoy all the little moments and work past the stressful ones with our two beautiful children!

Life with Two Kids

Crazy, chaotic, messy.......rewarding, joyful, and amazing--that's how I would describe life with two. Though admittedly I'm not so sure that we have had the most normal transition to two that most people do. Faith has been an absolutely AMAZING big sister. She loves her baby brother and tells him all the time how he's going to be her best friend. I love this! She really wants to play with him, but is frustrated because he "cries all the time"!

Colin is cute as can be and I see glimpses of what a happy baby he can be. I am hoping that more and more of that will come out as we move forward. He's had such issues with reflux, wondering if he was a bit colicky, been very fussy at times, and hard to figure out. He has done everything much faster than most....he's already rolling across the room, holding his head up perfectly straight, and eating baby food at 4.5 months. I have a feeling that he will crawl early.....watch out! I do see this happy baby and we hope and pray that the fussy phase somehow gets behind us. It's been a wonderful but very trying four months and when he smiles or laughs or coos now it all makes it worthwhile.

Thank God for my husband who is my rock, my dear mother who helps us exponentially, and my amazing support network which includes my sisters and my dear friends who keep me sane! I am so grateful for my two beautiful kids and can't wait until we can enjoy so much of the good stuff that is to come!

Faith started preschool last week and is LOVING it!! I cried the entire ride home the first day as I had never really left her. But she seems to be adjusting just fine and I think it's a good thing for my almost three year old. Hard to believe she will turn three next week and Colin will already be five months too! The time truly does go fast!

I am slowly starting back to work and hoping to get into it more and more. I LOVE my kids and feel so very fortunate to be home with them. I do however also love my writing and feel so blessed to be able to do this for a living so that I can be home with my kids. I pray that it continues!

More updates to come from the house of chaos and love!

Chaos Everywhere

I always knew that having two kids would be a lot of work. I also knew that it would entail a great deal of adjustments. Wow, I really had no idea! I am loving being a mommy of two but it is sure a lot of work. All the things that I worried about in terms of adjustment really aren't the issues. Faith has been an AMAZING big sister and adores her baby brother. She doesn't so much act out in regards to jealousy, but rather is acting her age. The 2.5 phase is a tough one at times, but very rewarding at others. One minute we can have a temper tantrum on our hands and the next she can be telling me "I love you my mommy, you're the best in the world".

Colin has been a bit challenging to figure out, but adorable as can be. He is really smiling a lot lately and that makes it all worthwhile. We thought he had reflux but are rethinking his medication. He has been a bit fussy but we are hoping and PRAYING that he outgrows it and that it's just all about him getting adjusted. (and us too) I thought that I would remember a lot more, but I feel like a first time parent all over again. The sleep deprivation is challenging as is the crying, but I hope that it will all be a distant memory in the not so distant future.

Hard to believe that he is already 2 months old and that my baby girl is on the brink of turning three!! We are excited for Halloween this weekend and for the holidays coming up shortly thereafter. What a fun way to celebrate being a family!!

More to come soon, but a mommy of two has very little time to herself these days!! To top things off my favorite client asked me to come back and try out a bit of work, so here goes the chaos in a totally different way. Oh boy, life is sure crazy.......but truly awesome!!